The End.

Praise God for what was, what is, and what is to come.

Based on my own efforts? Not ever because the A levels is quite simply, too much.

I wonder where all the expected and predicted exuberance and shouts of release went to.

I imagined myself breaking down and crying in gratitude and the newfound freedom.

It turned out that i just gave a huge big yawn after the paper was done.

And I've been awake for 20 hours so far since i woke up at 4.44 am but the odd thing was I woke up and was immediately overwhelmed with joy and i even started smiling to myself while i was forcing myself to get more sleep.

But the pure bliss and ecstasy of post-exams release always hit me the next morning

Watching Madagascar made me really happy though. I wonder if the kids are smart enough to identify the ribs made against the hand luggage regulations and democracy. It was really funny!

So was the somewhat extravagant dinner with Jiayi Oli Michelle! So many things to eat and laugh and talk about (: I even made the touching profession of my love and gratitude for them and our history boot camps and the days we spent ploughing through JC life together

I guess this really marks a transition which won't begin till much later although i can foresee maybe new friends, new interests, new self-discoveries, new hurts, new stress and hopefully a better me!

I think it's been almost three weeks that i've been rather occupied and troubled with the thought of me growing up into an adult. And people think i'm thinking too much

But it's the exact reason why Stop This Train has become the theme song of this part of my life!

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

I haven't identified with any song in such a long while,or hardly ever.

Am I happy to be where I am now? Resoundingly,yes. It really went past like a whirlwind but was excruciatingly slow too. I don't know. And do I want to grow up? I think there's nothing i can do to stop it and although i accept it i just can't believe it's so soon. What a paradox. Because i am confident that i can be independent and self-directed and sensible, but maybe it's apprehension and maybe anticipation and uncertainty.

But! The Lord is my light and salvation; whom shall i fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?Psalm 27

I guess i need to do some self-reproach if i continue thinking like this when i've committed myself to acting out God's plan and following Him and turning my life to Him!

There's already so much to be thankful for. Like friends who rally around you selflessly to offer resources and encouragement and my brother who very kindly prepared lunch for me on quite a few occasions, and my family's tolerance for my colonisation of the house with my files and notes and all the prayers and God's Miracles!

Hearing what some of my friends said about people who worked really hard but didn't get all As is scary. I guess it's another test of trust. It's not like i can do anything now but pray for the best and that's because God can do anything!

Essentially I hope to love and be loved and to give and to achieve and to be steady and dependable and trustworthy and wholly full of integrity and God-fearing character! I feel like a little old woman now.

It'll be funny if i look back at this when I'm 30 and laugh at the way I think now.