Friday, September 26, 2008
i want to blog!
life is confrazy.
a conflation of confusing and crazy!
i am in a multi-lemma.
SATSII?retake SATSI?UK?US?Cambridge?!Portfolio??!!universities??!educational psychology?!! scholarships?!!money?!!? jobs?!!!
and my dad told me during dinner that he's really proud of me.
normally, because i don't get compliments i either 1.compliment myself too much or 2. get really puffed up when people do compliment me.
but i felt some cynicism and some doubt when my dad said that. after all. he went all to say:"It's because you're my daughter." after i said:" there's nothing to be proud about."
it's quite sad?and if my eyes weren't so dry i feel like crying.
it's okay i will continue to take deep breaths and try as hard as i possibly can to live up to the illustrious peer reviews people have written for me.
i think i'm in such a walloping huge period of selfdoubt now that i can't feel happy over what people have said about me.
it's okay.it's okay. it's okay. i will find consolation in my QT later.
and, even if it kills me and my eyebags get even bigger and even if i get more slothful and miserable and pop-music addicted i need to get my act together and start studying properly.
BAH.
Let’s keep talking; anything to stop clockwatching
Lately we’re running out of time.
aren’t we crazy for running all the time? M-M-M-M-Maybe
Let’s forget we’re running out of time
today it was rather amusing to realise that i've been typing for so long that it feels weird to write.
truly mind-boggling.
in addition. my gp essay obtained a mark of 41/50. it is truly God's miracle because i happened to read something on dads in south korea. plus my prose isn't fantastic. i invent weird words. my sentences are either too long or too short.
i have a rather clear picture of where i want to be and what i want to be doing in the future. and even further than the future. because i can say with such conviction that i want to be a mother of 4 kids! but the intermediate periods are so hazy. i don't even know what i should be doing to get to my endpoint. i think the solution to this would be a nice red egg chair that i can curl up in and seriously ponder things. what if, i end up hosting a dessert show on tv because i really adore baking and sweet things?then all this weird ruminations would be rubbish.
and all this incoherence is a waste of time.
CANDICE! â¥
10:05 PM
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