I just realised how much I hate hearing the words 'You should…"

I don't ever want to hear it from anybody for anything but God to tell me that I should go to _______ university to be a _________ in the future so I can do __________

I'm angry because I can't let go of events/people that have angered me.

Give me a task and I will endeavour to do the very best I can and achieve the very best I can, but it doesn't mean I want to live up to expectations or that it is legitimate then for anyone to place any expectations on me.

I want to produce the best work because it is in my competitive nature and it is selfishly,narrowly about me.

There's been so many times my own failure and dejection have been compounded by the additional disappointment of those who chose to expect something of me. And it makes it hurt even more because I have to deal with their emotions too.

I really want to cry it all out but strangely I can't. Maybe because I really can't let go. Maybe I'm too tired to cry.

And all these is clouding over my self-motivation and optimism and achievement in other areas.

I wish I was innocent and unrealistic enough to be convicted by my own self-motivation and the encouragement I love to dispense to others.

Life deals us Molotov cocktails!

I don't even feel like talking anymore.

But I've gone through worse things than this all in a single year.

So this is not worth getting depressed/angsty over.

It's a funny time to be angsty considering I've only one year more to be an actual teenager before I go on to be a Young Adult.

And this is a waste of time.

Even if it's just for 15 minutes I want to stand on a green pasture with the wind billowing around me so I can realize that I'm not restricted and that because God has made creation stupendous and inconceivably beautiful there's nothing stopping my life from being beautiful,ultimately.

Ironically I know it already.

so I also know that this blight and depressing situation has a deeper purpose.

Maybe I'll be happy later.

Then again I'm not the only disappointed one so if I want to be truly excellent I must continue to encourage others no matter how discouraged I am.

:D