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Monday, November 12, 2007

tomorrow is going to be an exciting and impactful visual entertainment overkill
YAY
i'm going to watch sugar and spice and following that, the pillowman!
so that's going to be a lot of romance and humour and thrills in one day :D
i am EXCITED.
these sort of things add lightness to my otherwise downcast outlook.
what did God say about dieting and self-image?
today i went to the doctor and got medicine including steroids to stop my hand itching
?!
i don't think i want to take it.
and as part of the new patient records protocol they took my height and weight.
which started me thinking about weight issues for what must be the 7403193784529105292th time in my life.
i've always been mildly comforted by the fact that i haven't reached 50 kg and above ever, but today as it turns out my weight is 50.4!
when i used my own bathroom scale it turned out to be 49 but what the heck it didn't even come as a great consolation.
instead i constantly think, how can my bmi reach 19?
but objectively, i know i'm not fat.
fat is this:

and i might just start despising myself soon because i want to appreciate realness and i want all my friends and all women to do so and i want to tell my dieting friends that they don't have to since i don't have any friends that really need to diet. but i can't use the same advice that i give others. how phony.

it's almost compulsive that i get thinner. and i don't understand why it's so hard. i think i can count the amount of fried food servings i've had on both hands this entire year. i run long distances, regularly. i don't eat chips and other related snacks. ditto for most convenience foods and soft drinks.

then, i envy, constantly envy the born skinnies and the born pretties.

but again i know all these stuff.

that the Bible says it's wrong to covet.
and “For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.” 1 Tim 4: 4-5

and i'm fearfully and wonderfully created in His image and that I'm eternally loved.

so i will keep in mind all of the above.

and i feel like buying britney's and the jonas brothers' cd but i hope britney gets her act together again. i've always been pitying her. and i don't know if i should really join project illuminate i don't feel like being with people i know. X.X

CANDICE! ♥ 11:02 PM link to post 0 comments