Thursday, November 02, 2006
farewells and memories, fond or otherwise
so here comes the last day of school in 50 minutes.
which are going to be punctuated with emo outbursts of love and goodbyes
to be honest i feel jaded. Although at the very least I’m more emo than I was at leaving primary school.
though the truth is that when i look back on my journey i feel thankful for God's goodness for bringing me through the happy, crazy times and out of the times when i thought life couldn't get any more stressful and harder to live through;
and i feel proud of myself for changing. not entirely, but at least i think i'm an improved version of what i was like in primary school.
like now i seek to do more meaningful things and have a lot more friends and am more comfortable meeting people, got more leadership opportunities, had chances to give back to society, danced/performed in public, became wiser [and also more materialistic and cynical but that's another story!]
so i'll always be proud to be have been part of rgs, albeit inflexible teachers, mean people, stress, lack of resources, and all the hard times due to the fact that women
always have to elaborate on documents , elongate announcements and speeches, exaggerate verbal discourse , and overly emphasize cliques and power hierachies and protocol.
BUT it's an honor and a blessing, because rgs has molded me into who i am now. And it is true that being part of the raffles family ingrains in you the belief that you are capable of doing anything you set your heart too.
For that I am thankful too.
Though in retrospect, I’ve become a lonelier and more sorrowful person throughout the years.
I may have lots more friends but I’ve never truly felt any warmth. Maybe I don’t give off enough to receive any. Or maybe I’m more cynical than I think I am.
But it’s okay! Nobody needs friends to define their identity and whether their existence is meaningful or not.
I bet nobody noticed that definition is in! look at the number of movies with ‘the’ in front. Like ‘the covenant’,’ the diary’, ‘the prestige’, ‘the black dahlia’, ‘the guardian’, ‘the oh in ohio’, ‘the promise’ and etc. I wonder how many people are able to define themselves , without their cliques and the need to fit in, for their uniqueness: who they truly are, what they dream of, and what they believe in.
To me it’s meaningless forcing yourself to fit in so that at least one person will talk to you and be your partner during assemblies so you won’t look like a loner. And not saying or doing what you truly feel like when you feel like it. Doing it later behind someone’s back doesn’t count.
Hypocrites. I’ve grown up to realize the world is full of them
But I haven’t lost faith in the human race yet (: I have confidence that I am going to fulfill my aspirations, and somewhere along my presently lonely sojourn, God will send me more friends and I’ll realize who my best friends are/who I can be a best friend to.And I will still believe adults when they say secondary school years are the best schooling years of life. Because of PSB (: and because no matter what I love 405! I’m proud that we get along so well and that we’re all uber chio and smart!
Maybe , life will get better in the next chapter of my life: junior college
“here’s luck to the start” for me, and to everyone else I know!
CANDICE! â¥
10:20 PM
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